Recent Letters
Read the love; and choose to love!
i’m not the one
I realize I’m not what you need.
At the end of the day, I’m not what you want.
And I’m not who you will settle down with eventually, nor be the person to make you happy for the rest of your life, which I want to do for you so badly.
You, despite your desire for the simple, function best in the complicated and unsure.
Solidity and decisions are not your forte.
One day you will find a girl that doesn’t ask you what you are, one that doesn’t fall for you too soon, and one that, even though times are hard, you will try your hardest to be all that she deserves.
You say you don’t want to give this a go because you can’t be all that you want to be for me right now. I think deep down, you just don’t want it bad enough. You made the time in the beginning, now you’re finding it difficult to maintain.
Where did that spark go? That inspiration that had you so excited to talk to me on the phone at night? Was it really all too much and you couldn’t handle it?
You will find someone who is able to hold that desire for you long into the later years of your life.
Unfortunately, I don’t think that will be me.
Submitted by A. M. in March 2013
Comments: Written two weeks before Valentine’s Day, 2012. The night we broke up I came to a sad realization to why it didn’t work, and never worked, over the years.
here we are again
Look around. We’re here again. It sneaks up on us, this pattern of taking care of each other. We’ve done it so often, we’re oblivious to the steps that bring us again to this same point.
I guess the questions is – what do we do from here?
I’d like to think that even though we’re going in circles, we’re cycling upwards. Evert revolution brings us higher, teaches us more…makes us better people. And if that’s the case, I suppose I will have the energy for another go-around, and another (and another).
But if that isn’t the case. If we’re just the same people doing the same thing – a circle going round and round, and not making any sort of progress…well, that would just make me sad. Shouldn’t we want more for our lives than that?
I want more.
But I also just want to enjoy this moment: we’re in the sweet spot of the cycle, the happy time. I want to be happy. And I want you to be happy. And when our happiness coincides, like it does right now – I truly believe that we’re meant to be.
Submitted by J. B. in March 2013
i will not be a source of pain to you
Hi.
I hope this letter finds you well, happy, and in good spirits. I hope you laugh every single day, remember the little things, and surround yourself with people who reinforce the beauty that is you.
I’ve been forced to grow up over these past few months, acknowledge situations that needed to change and feelings that I wasn’t sure what to do with.
I know two things. I know that I care for you a great deal, and once again I find myself at the tail end of one of fate’s jokes. Had I been a little more patient, or smarter with my decision making, I could’ve changed the outcome of this. Or at least had a chance of doing so.
I also know that you are a far better person than I will ever be. You may never know darkness as I have (and I hope you never do) and the ones who get too close to me are always unpleasantly surprised by the depths of my resolve. Passion has a dark side, a coldness to it.
This dream I’m chasing; I realize now that I have to do it alone. That’s the price I CHOOSE to pay in order to make it happen. I said once I’d rather know you from afar than not at all, and I…I don’t want to be a source of negativity for you. Not now or ever.
Forgive me if I ever overstepped and shine brightly, my friend.
And take care of yourself.
Always,
A. K. T.
Submitted by A. K. T. in February 2013
thank you
I need you to know how grateful I am. I need you to know how much your donation means to so many people. I need you to know how special you are. So here is my attempt.
Thank you for stepping up when others backed out. Thank you for coming forward so far when the time came. Thank you for putting yourself through the numerous tests you’ve gone through. Thank you for doing what I wasn’t able to do. Thank you for giving life to my best friend. Thank you for giving her wife many more years to share with her. Thank you for giving their children years to have their mom. Thank you for giving the extended time you’ve given her parents. Thank you for giving her nephews years to see their Aunt Mimi. Thank you for giving her brother and sister-in-law the moments that they still need with her. Thank you for giving all her other friends years to spend with her. Thank you for giving her time back. Thank you for giving her back her health.
I realize this may sound like I am putting a lot of pressure on your shoulders. I am not intending that. I am hoping you see this as true thankfulness and appreciation that I am trying to express.
I will never be able to thank you enough for this, the most generous and selfless gift you are about to give to my best friend. You are giving her back to us, giving us more time with her and giving her more time to do and live her dreams as she sees fit, and that makes me so happy.
I have known her longer than I haven’t; and thankfully, and gratefully to you I will be able to continue do that. I don’t know how I would have made it this far in my life without her in it. Because of you, your huge heart and your gift I will be amongst the many that wont have to worry about that for many, many years.
from the bottom of my heart,
THANK YOU…thanks to your family for supporting you and please know that if you need anything I am now and will always be here
Forever thankful,
C.
Submitted by C. M.
Comments: Giving life
once was enough
The day dragged on the same as every other day prior with your face imbued in my mind like a mascot of defeat and despair, the image of what I once believed would bring eternal happiness now stuck hanging in the halls of my memory collecting dust where it once hung a banner of inspiration and joy, a trophy to all men.
When the sun ceases to shine, when the moon fails to glimmer, when life takes on a perpetual sheen of gray, the only pass time becomes an introverted assessment of our memories, the constant unanswerable question of where did it all go wrong? When did forever get so short? At what point did love become not enough?
But being brought up with the concept that love will always reign supreme given time, you learn to push these incessant thoughts to the back of your mind to lay in wait till the time of your next inevitable breakdown.
So I sat and desperately clung to all the passionate kisses, the romantic love letters, the daring adventures, the love making, the future plans, as if they were life itself. Just when misery became the closest thing to happiness that I could hope to achieve, I received a text from the only person capable of curing my plight.
It should have revived me and brought me back to the living, but instead, it pushed me below rock bottom. The text informed me of a change in the dynamics of the situation, she was happily in a relationship with some guy. A million images raced through my mind, her holding his hand the way she held mine, her kissing his cheek the way she kissed mine, her loving him the way she loved me. The world had stopped spinning I was stuck in purgatory: my chest got tight, my hands started shaking, my vision went blurry. I was swamped with an overwhelming sense of nausea I reached for the only thing that had sustained me this far. To my horror the bottle was empty. Chucking the bottle at the wall, I scrambled for the carton of cigarettes, empty.
I’m not sure how I made it through that night. If truth be told, I don’t remember anything after that point, just the comforting warmth of nothing. The next two months, I wasn’t alive. I was in some form of a coma. Yes, I was there. I would hear you and I would answer, but I wasn’t there: not a hint of emotion, not sadness, not happiness, just nothing.
Word reached me that she had broken up with her now former flame, the relief was instant. It was as if someone had stabbed me in the chest with an adrenaline needle. I allowed myself the privilege of hope. We began to talk again. At first, I was reserved till I came to the conclusion that I had to be the old me, the one she had fallen in love with – not the deteriorating carcass of that man.
Like all great actors, I had to convince myself of the part. I had to be the part, so I resumed my social life. I think I even found myself again, at least for a time. We talked about the old times and how we still loved each other and how we were meant to be. From there it evolved into me bringing her flowers, sleep overs, the stupid laughs, the endless kisses…til the next devastating blow to my heart was dealt. She had a new boyfriend.
My shock was palpable to all around; my mutilated heart visible for all to see.
Still I was sure that we would eventually be together.
Then it dawned on me. We were over. Our era had ended. The fairy tale had come to a tragic closing. It was never again going to happen. I was merely the half time show, the fluffer in between scenes.
And that’s when I decided once was enough for one lifetime.
Submitted by W. S.
where have you gone?
Dear friend,
I’ve given so much of myself away that I am as empty as the desert, waiting for the rain. You are like the rain, in its many forms. My thoughts wander the dry dessert searching for you. My heart sinks into a thousand grains of sand, into a never ending hour glass when you do not appear.
I hear many whispers of wonder that speak your name. All I wish for us, my dear, is to know the truth we seek. And I wonder if we might find that truth in each others hearts, transforming elements to our will. To be wholesome and wet.
Submitted by J. G.
Comments: For a lost friend.
my husband, my best friend
If anyone had told me that the skinny kid that stared at me from across the room in 10th grade geometry would turn out to be the love of my life, I would have laughed.
Even when we gradually over many years became best friends, I still had no clue how the nature of our relationship would change so drastically–and so suddenly. Realizing how I felt about you was like awakening from a long slumber.
Now I’m your wife, and every day is more and more perfect. Our life is simple. Our relationship is simple–but it is filled with more love than I could have imagined, and the love only continues to grow.
Thank you for sharing your life with me.
Thank you for your friendship and your love.
Submitted by M.B.
so it goes
I remember the first time I saw you. I really remember running about the block with you. I especially remember that time you dyed your hair red, and were sitting outside my dorm reading. You have this wonderful look when you read-concentration meets pleasure.
I miss you rolling your eyes at me when I would listen to rap. I miss playing in the rain with you. I miss you nerding out about video games and so much more. I miss you all the time. I think about you, although less and less these days, more often than not.
I hope you are well. You deserve the best. Being here, where I first fell in love with you is hard. I see places, or things and I wish you were here to share those experiences. I’ll never forget the time with all the leaves. *Crunch*
I love you and always will, as I am sure you know. And I am so sorry for the terrible things I did and for hurting you. I wish you the best, love. So this is my public anonymous apology and my wish for you: be happy.
Submitted by K. F.
happy valentine’s day
In a time where I have never known so much darkness, I have lost track of how many times you have kept me going.
The way you smile, in which no darkness can survive.
The way you love, educational, warm, and humbling all in one.
The way you greet the world, with eternal optimism that makes me believe ”it’ll be okay, just keep going”.
I would give up everything
and value your virtues as well as your faults
just so I can stand beside you.
I could never be perfect, but I would never bring you harm, either. I would dedicate every single day to ensuring that you never had a bad one again.
I love you.
Have a happy Valentine’s Day.
Submitted by A. K. T.
Comments: I love you.
it’s never the right time
One of the things that I am realizing in my journey with you is that it never seems the right time to love you. There’s always something going on: something that makes life uncomfortable, awkward or frustrating. There’s never a deep-breathing, peaceful moment to just enjoy being in love with you; there’s only choosing to love you through the moment, so that we can move on to the next.
They say love is patient and long-suffering.
And you’ll notice they don’t follow that up with a break.
Wouldn’t it be nice to hear a coach call out encouragement?
“Hang in there. The bell is going to call time-out in just a few more minutes. You can make it.”
There’s really no time-out in love.
There’s loving or being selfish.
So, when I say “I love you,” what I mean is: “I suffer long for you.”
Submitted by J. B. in February 2013
